I am a burden.
This has been replayed over and over in my head. In fact, I can’t remember when I didn’t hear that voice. This one statement was at the crux of everything endo, and as I am sure you can relate, everything endo meant every aspect of my life. When a friend drove me home from the hospital from yet another surgery I thought, I am a burden. When I texted a neighbor because I couldn’t physically walk my dog for the third day in a row I thought, I am a burden. When my co-workers scrambled to cover my duties because of an extended hospitalization I thought, I am a burden. When I showed up at the doctor’s office for the third time in a month I thought, I am a burden.
This one incredibly powerful statement left me powerless. I stepped so deeply into this belief that there was no room for self-compassion. I didn’t just hate the disease ravaging my insides, I hated my body. I thought it was weak because my body was succumbing to this awful illness. I fought hard. I researched the heck out of the disease. I tried every holistic opportunity I could find to manage symptoms. I tried to make sure I went to excision specialists, only to later find that most of them also did ablation per my operative reports. I went on every “endo diet” known to man, and I would exercise through the pain and vomit because it just had to make me stronger, right? I was fighting hard to make up for where my body seemed to fail. I thought I was doing these things for me, but really… it was in spite of me.
I’ve taken the pledge for transparent, responsible, and honest marketing.